| Author | Message | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 435 Registered: 10-2005 |
Our hearts are not wall-shaped We are porous where home begins; after all, we didn't pick this place. Like ocean debris we just arrived in the same surf and stayed when the tide receded. So whether tossed together or flung afar, we will still look toward home, quicken to its name, and dream it alive again. (The preceeding is M's fine version) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Original with T's favorite first line) Our hearts are not wall-shaped we are porous where home begins after all, we didn't pick this place like ocean debris we just arrived in the same surf and stayed when the tide receded. So when we are tossed together or flung afar we will still look toward home, quicken to its name, and dream it alive again. ~~~~~~~~ (Thanks for the many fine helps in this little poem) (Message edited by lazarus on December 15, 2005) “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| Teresa White
Intermediate Member Username: teresa_white Post Number: 354 Registered: 01-2005 |
Lazarus, Very nice! I must say though that I like your original version best. Especially like your original title and first line. Best, Teresa | ||
| michael julius sottak
Advanced Member Username: julius Post Number: 1922 Registered: 12-2003 |
Laz, this is fine... and it reminds me of a story... I was working on an apartment destroyed by hurricane Jeanne for some friends of mine... gratis...They have been good to me... drywall and carpentry... and this 70year old lady wanders into the place, she lived upstairs... a tree came through her roof and she was asking me what she needed to do... I said, "you need to get outta here! The mold and mildew is going to be intolerable in a few days." I started walking away after we had talked awhile, and she calls after me, I swear she was sixteen again, and says "Sailor, you've always got a home, you know that don't ya?" | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 441 Registered: 10-2005 |
Teresa- That's good news to me. Originally I wanted the sound of the surf to run through the poem, and that first line is more like the long groan you hear just before the break. When I walked away from it though I was saying in my head "We are not wall-shaped in our hearts," so I thought I made a mistake. Michael- Your stories never fail to tug at my heart. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3626 Registered: 07-2002 |
Lazarus, I love these lines: like ocean debris we just arrived in the same surf and stayed when the tide receded. and the final: quicken to its name, and dream it alive again. I have to admit, I'm not sure of the image behing 'wall shaped'. I like the sound of it and the contrast b/w it and the rest of the poem, but it confuses me. Best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 449 Registered: 10-2005 |
Lisa- Nice to hear you liked those lines. The final an addition due to E's prodding. Wall-shaped, Yea, I wasn't sure what it meant either, just occured to me watching the walls fill up with water in NO and feeling like that wasn't what "home" is. That's what this poem started out to be about anyway. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6067 Registered: 11-1998 |
A very lovely poem of home for the holiday season, Lazarus. The only thing I wasn't sure about was the couplet format. I saw it more like this: We are porous where home begins; after all, we didn't pick this place. Like ocean debris we just arrived in the same surf and stayed when the tide receded. So whether tossed together or flung afar, we will still look toward home, quicken to its name, and dream it alive again. Only a suggestion to consider, of course. | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 470 Registered: 10-2005 |
M- I really like your stanzas. It had a format similar to this at the very first but needed some time apart to improve (I guess!). I'm happy that it applies to a universal feeling of home. I had begun with the idea of writing about the loss of so many homes in Katrina, but somehow ended up here. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Senior Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2801 Registered: 12-2003 |
Lazarus, enjoyed. Couplets or stanzas, both work.  K | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 491 Registered: 10-2005 |
Kathy- I'm glad you enjoyed. Thanks for responding. 'Course you don't help me decide which way to go! I like the couplets for the sense of time flowing, and I like the stanzas for the feeling of togetherness. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” |
